After my second divorce, I felt a little lonely and decided to open up a Tinder profile. It was fun posting pictures and swiping through random men. I even had the power to see who liked me by signing up for gold.
So, there I was, drinking wine and looking through who liked me when I stumbled upon a picture of a huge tree and a small guy beside the tree. I could tell that the picture was taken in California because it looked like a giant sequoia. The guy beside it was so tiny that his face was blurred but his body looked good, so I swiped right.
Then the “match” stamp appeared and oh my goodness, the butterflies in my tummy took flight. Should I send a message, or would he send me a message? It didn’t take long for him to send me a message and we decided to video chat. The video chat was awkward. He claimed that his side of the camera wasn’t working but he could see me. I stared at a black screen and spoke to the tiny, blurred face guy from the picture.
I heard his voice, and he was an actual person but why would he lie about his side of the camera not working? He explained why his photo was blurred in the picture and sent me a clearer picture that showed his features. Apparently, he worked for the school district as head of the Math department. He was the guy that made tests and created academic guidelines. After chatting on facetime for a bit, we planned to meet at a sushi place close to both of us.
I dropped my kids off at my parent’s house and headed to the sushi restaurant for lunch with my mystery math, sequoia loving genius. Pulling up to the restaurant, I felt some nervousness but was more excited to get out of the house to go on a date. And as I sat in my car and looked around, I spotted him from the picture he sent.
He was tall, had dark short hair, a good-looking face and nice slim / athletic build. He was wearing a jacket that reminded me of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.
When I walked up to greet him, he smiled at me and didn’t look horrified and run off, so we were off to a great start. We were seated at a table by the window and then the staring and silence began. He barely spoke to me and didn’t ask me any questions about my life. I tried to make conversation, but he didn’t really reciprocate. I asked question after question to get to know him, but it was like talking to a brick wall. I’m fine with quiet but if you’re first meeting someone, you tend to ask questions in an attempt to learn more about them. He did make it clear that his apartment was really close.
By his vague answers I didn’t feel that we had much in common. He had never been married, no kids, was a math genius, traveled a lot, no pets, didn’t drink and was originally from Eastern Europe. I was completely the opposite by being married twice, having children, didn’t really travel, owned lots of pets, loved wine and hated math.
I think the waitress felt sorry for me because she spent a long time at the table talking to me. Waitresses & Waiters seem to have a sense about social situations and know how to read people. She must have sensed my “help me” vibes and came over to fill the quiet gaps between Mr. Math Genius and myself.
My sushi arrived and he smirked as I used a fork to cut my California roll down the middle. I was happy that he seemed entertained. Shoveling sushi in my mouth provided a reason not to ask more questions for a little bit. After eating, we just looked at each other. He again made it clear that his apartment was close and invited me there. I declined as there was no way I would go to some guy’s apartment that didn’t want to know anything about me. Now if he had asked me questions and we had things in common then maybe we’d be headed to his place for some fun.
He said he liked the way I looked and planned to contact me later. We parted ways with a hug and I felt really let down by the whole situation. It didn’t feel like a date, it felt more like meeting some stranger off the internet for sushi – which is what happened. He contacted me later and wanted to know how often we could meet for sex. There was no way I was meeting him again for sushi much less sex, so I blocked him.
That experience was 4 years ago, and I haven’t met anyone off the internet since. I have set up a Tinder account a couple of times because it was fun swiping through profiles, other than that I haven’t met anyone. It feels a little strange not dating or having sex for 4 years, but I don’t know where to meet anyone. I don’t want to meet anyone off the internet, everyone at my job is married and guys that give me that lingering, interested look never ask me out.
I yearn to be desired and treated like a sexy goddess but have no idea how to make that happen. At one time when I felt lonely, I would simply open a dating profile, post some hot pics of myself and land a date. I don’t feel like fixing myself up and taking selfies. It takes so much energy, and my selfies don’t look as good as they once did. So where does a divorcee in her 40’s meet eligible bachelors for fun and romance? I guess for now, in my fantasies since I don’t know any available men.
Goodnight, I’m off to fantasize about being kissed passionately by Jason Statham after a romantic dinner where he asks me questions and is really interested in my life.
