I miss the friends I once had. The friends I could go to for anything and they would always be there. I could talk to them about anything, laugh, stay up all night sharing secrets and knowing that we had each other’s backs. Now they are all gone and I’m left by myself.
Today was a hard day. It reminded me of how alone I am and how I don’t get along with other women. I was asked by someone at work about a file and if I knew where things were saved. I answered her the best I could and went about my day.
Later, my coworker “Taya” asked me where I said the files were. I was confused and couldn’t understand why she was asking. She said because my manager was asking. I told her and asked if I was in trouble. Apparently, Taya had texted my manager and told her about our other coworker asking me about the files. My manager was out for the day and Taya decided to tell her about what had happened. I was confused and Taya came over and showed me her phone and the text between her and our manager.
Taya basically took it upon herself to contact our manager and tell her what happened, even though it was none of her business. And instead of my manager contacting me, she asked Taya what I said. What I learned was that Taya is a brown noser and I can’t trust her. She is watching me and tells our manager everything. If I can’t even answer a simple question on my own, then why am I there?
Taya and our manager apparently talk and text a lot and it makes me feel weird. I’m the strange older woman that doesn’t fit in as Taya and the manager are the same age. I try my best at work, mind my own business and try to be helpful. None of that matters. I’m still the introvert that zones out and keeps to myself. I’m still that strange teen that never fits in. People will never understand me or leave me alone.
After finding out that Taya and our manager were texting all day and about me, I had to clam up. The anger and betrayal I felt caused a dizzying feeling and I couldn’t look Taya in the eyes. I could feel her staring at me and she assured me that I didn’t do anything wrong. I managed to say, “I know I didn’t do anything wrong.” At the end of the day, I packed my things up and headed out the door. Taya said, “Have a good weekend”. I managed to look at her fake smile and said, “good night.” I cried in the car and cried while typing this out. She was my last hope of friendship at this job and now any comfort I felt with her is gone.
I think Taya was trying to get me into trouble. The sad part is, I thought she was nice. She made me laugh and we shared details about our lives. I thought that she could possibly be a friend. But no, she’s not. She wants to make herself look good for our manager. I’ll never trust anyone again. She is dead to me. I am done with trusting women.
