I’ve always been a quiet person who kept to myself and people around me have never really liked me. Not that I’ve been completely hated but people seem to dislike my quiet, reserved nature. I have had some close friends in the past, but those friendships didn’t last. Years went by without making a friend and I am ok with that, at least I think that I’m ok with that. I’m not sure if I’ve accepted the fact that I’m destined to be friendless or if I actually enjoy the solitude.
Sometimes I miss having someone to do things with, to go to the movies with, play a game of pool, talk about my problems and do something crazy with. I see people make plans with others and I tend not to get included. I’m not the most energetic or excited person in the room so I guess that’s part of it. I try not to let it bother me, but it sometimes hurts. I remind myself of the annoyances of having needy friends that try to take up your time with endless chats about their problems. The energy vampires that siphon your energy so they can thrive. And reminding myself of those things works to an extent, but not completely.
You see, I am a single parent without a husband, boyfriend and no close friends. Many times, I am left to figure out things on my own. I can’t relate to married people or even single moms where the dad is in the picture. He’s gone and it’s just me. Sometimes the solitude is relaxing and other times, the loneliness is a bit much and a little depressing.
Maybe one day I’ll find a special friend or even have a boyfriend, but for now, it’s just me trying to be my own best friend.