I’ve been to one other company Christmas party by myself and didn’t enjoy it very much, so why not experiment again? I went to the mall and bought a new dress, new shoes and some new makeup. I love the dress, it’s very flattering and classy. I thought that I looked great and I felt great – at first. I had an Uber take me to the event so I could indulge in some wine and not worry about driving. My manager mentioned that she would be there along with another co-worker so I felt relieved that I wouldn’t be alone.
Sometimes my ideas work and other times, my ideas are stupid learning lessons. I would categorize my decision to go to the Christmas party by myself as kind of stupid. I started a new job and was curious about the company Christmas party. My manager said I could bring someone, it didn’t have to be a date, it could simply be a friend. The problem? I have no friends. She mentioned I could bring a neighbor. Additionally, I’m not on speaking terms with any neighbors.
I showed up and the restaurant was extremely fancy. Two huge fire pits stood in front of the entrance and waiters were in the front holding the door open for people to come in. I felt excited as I got out of the Uber and entered, immediately greeted by waiters with wine and food trays. I got a glass of wine and looked around the room at people gathered in circles, visiting with their co-workers. None of the faces looked familiar so I took a seat at a vacant booth and nursed my wine. An attractive lady stood by the booth and we made eye contact. I could tell she was alone too, and she smiled and slid into the booth seat in front of me. I felt a bit of relief not being awkwardly alone anymore.
She was making conversation with me and I gladly chimed in, enjoying the wine and indulging in the appetizers waiters walked around offering us. She was kind and I appreciated the company. Although, I did feel jealous that the waiters were paying extra attention to her. She was young and showing a lot of cleavage, so I felt very old and hagged out sitting by her. One of her coworkers came by and asked her to go back where they were. I could tell part of her wanted to go, but I think she stayed at the booth with me because she knew I was alone and no one was coming up to me. In fact, she had many people come up to her, I could tell she was a valuable coworker and they liked her. I felt a little bad that my coworker and manager hadn’t stopped by.
But finally, my manager walked by my table with her husband. They said hi and that they would go get food and come back to the table. I was happy my manager would join us, but she never came back to the table. I saw her pass by later and she didn’t even acknowledge me. I thought it was rude of her to ditch me and not say anything. My other coworker happened to see me and said she was sitting outside and that I should find a table out there.
The lady who had been keeping me company, said she was going to head out there and asked me to watch her purse. After about 10 minutes of sitting by myself, I decided to grab her purse and take it to her. I was hoping to find my manager outside and join her, but I didn’t see her, I did see my coworker, but the table she was at was completely full. I managed to return the purse to the lady and decided to call it a night.
She was visiting with her team and at that point I was alone in a sea of strangers gathering with their dates and friends. Thinking about it makes me feel bad and brings back all the memories of me having to do things by myself. I’m so tired of doing things by myself and realized that I’m done trying in social situations.
I got back to the table and ordered an Uber, waiting 10 minutes and watching the car slowly drive to my location. Stepping outside, I felt relief getting some fresh air and being away from the noise of the restaurant. Listening to 100’s of people talk at the same time is not my idea of a good time. The couch outside was velvet and comfortable and there was a gentleman at the other end looking at his phone. He appeared to have had enough too, and I was glad he didn’t look at me and left me alone. I was over forced communication for the evening, even though I had only spoken to the lady at the table.
My Uber drove up, and I quickly got in. The driver said, “lets boogie”, which was the best thing I had heard all night. There was no traffic, so she was quick to get me home. It felt so good walking in the door and getting into my pajamas, pouring myself a glass of wine and listening to music.
The night did not go how I envisioned which was disappointing. I was actually hoping my work crush would be there, that he would see me across the room and come over to say hi, maybe ask me out. However, I didn’t see him. I thought my manager and I would hang out and have some drinks together, laughing the night away. That didn’t happen, she ditched me which is going to linger in my thoughts for a while. I thought my coworker and I would visit and get to know each other better. That didn’t happen, she was at a packed table with no room for me.
My instincts told me to stay home but my curiosity wanted to experience something new. I think next time I’ll follow my instincts and stay home. I was only there for 70 minutes but that was too long and not worth the mental torture that ensued after the event. At this point, I should stop exploring events by myself and come to terms that I am an introvert and crowds bother me. Merry Christmas fellow introverts and may your Christmas gatherings be filled with joy.
The Introverted Lady
